It's Time for Dancing on the Tables!!!!

If you thought I was at a loss for words these last few weeks, you were right!
Yep, it has been a strange few weeks as I have struggled with putting into words my feelings, especially on my last day of chemo. I was totally unprepared for how emotional it was for me. Stupid ugh?!? What was I thinking?!? How could it not be emotional?!? It was HAPPINESS and GRATITUDE and APPRECIATION and LOVE and THANKFULNESS all rolled into one big emotion!

The worse is behind me, and I have every reason to believe that I have a long and cancer free future in front of me. I know that I was/am very blessed to have God in control, as my Great Healer.  "O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in your perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago." Isaiah 25:1  I know that I am very blessed to have such a wonderful family.  And I know that I am very blessed to have each of you.  Without your prayers and love and support, I/we would never have been able to manage this life changing event. To simply say "thank you" is not enough...but I am at a loss for words to convey my thankfulness to everyone of you. So I sing the second verse to Sara Grove's song...

Twice as Good...

with my good news your dancing on the table babies born Cancers gone what a to celebration the joy of life oh what a sweet communion
shared with you

So be warned. If I should run into you someplace, I just may start dancing on the table and singing to you and making all sorts of a joyful noise!!

What's next?

I have the answer to that. I will be under the care of Dr. Bevers for the next 5 years. I will see him every 3 months for two years then every 6 months for three years.That sounds like a wonderful plan to me. I know I am in good hands. 

I stopped in to see my OB-GYN doc the other day. I wanted to thank him in person for saving my life. He thought I was being to dramatic saying he "saved my life" but honestly, if he had not been the old fashioned, careful, "let's look at everything" kind of doc, I might still be trying to figure out what was going on with my body...instead of knowing and being FINISHED  with all my treatment!!! I am so thankful to God for presenting me with signs and symptoms that were so obvious I knew where I needed to seek treatment. I know many women with ovarian cancer get bounced around from specialists to specialists trying to find the answers and precious time is lost. Which goes to say, everyone needs to listen to their bodies. And to often, we keep hitting the "mute" button. Don't do it!! God may be trying to get your attention. 

Sorry folks. I know this post is not funny. I continue to be in awe of these past six months. So much has changed. My life will never be the same. I continue to pray that God will continue to mold and shape me. That I will hear His voice. That I will be the person He wants me to me. He has given me another chance. I am here for a reason. I just have to figure out why. But for now, I will take this thankful heart and use it to glorify Him. 

I don't imagine I will be making blog post in the future. I continue to heal. I continue to regain my strength. I continue to encourage my hair to grow...grow...grow. And my eyebrows and my eyelashes!!! 

 I have been forever changed ...

Thanks to each of you for walking this journey with us. It has been awesome! And I love each of you. 

 with every burden I have carried
with every joy it's understood
life with you is half as hard
and twice as good

Life with you really is HALF as hard and TWICE as good.

Your very grateful friend.

Dee Dee

 

 

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Victory! A tribute

Happy last day of chemo, mom.  You did it!

(Note: I am not sure this video will come through to our email readers or on cell phones.  If not, go to www.deedeefincher.blogspot.com)

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Hi oh, hi ho...

It's off to chemo I go.....

The end is in sight.  Chemo #6 begins tomorrow at 8 am (I will check-in at 8...I bet the chemo starts at 9 am!) but the good news is that tomorrow at this time, I will have completed my chemotherapy treatments!!!!!!!!

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Not at the finish line yet...but soon

Yep, I got my blood drawn on Tuesday, and once again, I did not have the neutrophils to get the OK for chemo. So, I am scheduled for next Thursday for chemo #6! I fully believe that I will get the OK then, as it appears that my body needs more time for my bone marrow to do what it needs to do. Next week it will be! 

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The End is Near!

It is May, the end of so many things. Grandson Drew and granddaughter Ellie had their last day of preschool this week. Lindsey was busy creating a special "thank you" gift for their teachers. As I approach my final chemo treatment, I find I am in the same state of mind...should I take something to the awesome doctor and nurses at MDAnderson who have helped me complete this chemo journey? Kind of like taking the teacher something special to remember you by because you don't plan on seeing them for a long time!!!!!....

Maybe some cookies...but what do I say? Should I be clever or just keep it simple with a "thanks". I asked the communication czar for her input. Her suggestions follow...

Because of you my cancer has been beat

So, here's a 'thank you" and a special treat!

Thanks to you my cancer has been beaten, so

here's a thank you and something to be eaten!

Here's a fantastic little cookie,

because I am cancer-free - whoopee!

(I asked, and no, she had not been drinking.)

Then she suggested that I could put a disclaimer on the cookies...that I guaranteed there was no hair in the cookies.

Most of the time you are really late,

but now's a time to celebrate!

Have a cookie: one or two,

but don't forget you have things to do!

From the beginning you showed me care,

then I went and lost my hair.

thanks for the serious, major drugs

here's a cookie and some hugs.

Not long ago I had cancer

looks like chemo was the answer!

So grateful for your excellent care

here are some cookies for you to share!

And for the fabulous Dr. Bevers....

Ovarian cancer is kind of crappy

but you as my doctor makes me so darn happy!

Your pretty darn smart and even-keel

let's never meet again. Deal?

5 months ago they said "cancer"

but Dr. Bevers was the answer.

Thanks for getting me back on my feet

here is a delicious treat!

And finally, a comment about herself...

Lindsey watches too much Cat in the Hat,

she needs to watch adult TV stat!

Care to weigh in on which one I should choose?

My time spent getting ready in the morning just keeps getting shorter and shorter. No wasted time waiting to apply another coat of mascara or plucking eyebrows. As a matter of fact, I feel like I can relate to the balding person who "combs over" that long piece(s) of hair on the crown of her/her head trying to get it to cover as much as possible. I have a few eyebrows remaining and I am spending a great deal of time trying to get these last 5-7 to do the job that 20? used to do. Thank goodness for eyebrow pencils. And wigs with bangs. No one notices. However, a friend of mine pointed out that God counts the hairs on our heads...and that chemo has made it easier for God to count mine..."And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered." Matthew 10:30  Yes, God is a God of details. These past four months has shown me time and time again how God was working out all the details of this diagnosis and treatment long before I ever knew there was any cause for concern. And because of this I can "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12

I related to a friend of mine that with my bald head, I looked like Mattress Mac. Not the best compliment as to my looks, but I did feel it was accurate. Something about the ears...So, I friend sent me the following...

When you look in the mirror, may beautiful friend, don't say "Blah," say "Ta-da!" Why? Because that's what God said the day he make you!

Women, you see, were the crown of his creation, God's ultimate creative effort. After adding the finishing touches, he declared, "It is very good."

Not "Next!"

Not "Uh-oh."

Not "Oops."

Just imagine God smiling at you and saying, "Ta-da! I did it! She's finished and she's all mine." You're not a mistake, beloved. No way. You are God's definition of beauty for you.

by Liz Curtis-Higgs, from Rise and Shine

I started this journey knowing that this was what God wanted for me; this was not a mistake. So now when I look in the mirror I no longer see Mattress Mac but instead I say "TA-DA" this is what the Lord chose for me. Let me rejoice and be glad in it!

The MDAnderson volunteers made a You-Tube video from the Sprint for Life run earlier this month.  About 11 minutes into the 17 minute video is a category called Shirt Wisdom. Second t-shirt shown is the Team Dee Dee shirt...showing the best part, the back side with our chosen Bible verse 2 Timothy 4:17 "But the Lord stood with me and gave me strength."  I think it is so cool that this verse will now be seen by all those who view the video. 

Thanks again for all the thoughts and prayers and the constant reminder of the love and support that is in place for Bruce and I. We could not have done this without you. I appreciate everything and am at a loss of how to express my gratitude for all of you and all the kindness you have showered on us.

I am scheduled for the sixth and final chemo treatment around the first of June, assuming I will have the white blood count numbers to get the go ahead. Dr. Bevers has already started preparing me for a delay, but I am still hopeful. Either way, I know that I will get the sixth treatment and I will be finished with chemo. Then what? Then what? I am not sure. We have not discussed that yet, but I know that conversation will be soon. I ask for your prayers...for the WBC (especially those neutrophils)  to be where it needs to be to get my final chemo clearance. Also for wisdom for Bruce and I to ask all the right questions of Dr. Bevers and to clearly understand the future plan. Of course, I do pray for complete healing...for the cancer to be gone and to NEVER COME BACK in any other form! I know that God can do this, and I ask that He will.

Love you guys.

Don't forget to let me know if you think it is corny to take cookies my last day of school chemo!

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Five down; ONE to go!!!!!!

Yep, with cooperating blood cells, the fifth chemo treatment was administered today without any incidents or major delays. Thank you God for your protective hand on me.

One more to go, already scheduled the first week of June. We are hoping the Neulasta shot, which I received today at the end of the chemo treatment, will boost the white blood cells. However, the good doctor is already preparing me for a one week delay. AndI too expect to be delayed...but the good new is, I know I WILL GET THERE and it will be the final one!!!!!

Thanks friends for all your help.

More later  :)

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Thanks be to God

Chemo #5 is a go for Thursday! The numbers were great!
Thank you prayer warriors and thank you God for getting me there, and giving me another lesson in patience and trusting in your plan and timing.
The end is near!
Love to all of you.
Dee Dee

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Mother's Day 2014

Lessons from Mom in 2014:

1. Listen to your body and that tiny voice inside.

2. There are things you really can't do on your own- accept help.

3. You can do more than you think you can- help others.  Even when you can only do part of what you want to do.

4. Attitude is a lot of the battle, but faith is all of it.

5. Wigs have their advantages. :)

Happy Mother's Day to a woman who is truly amazing.

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Not Again!

Those white blood cells...specifically the neutrophils are not cooperating this week. They were to low and therefore chemo #5 has been delayed till next week.  Hopefully the extra time will allow my bone marrow to work extra hard to produce these badly needed cells. 

Although Dr. Bevers had prepared me for the possibility of this last week, I am greatly disappointed It is tough because I am feeling so good...and I just want to get to the "finish" line.  But then I am thankful that I am feeling good and I know that I am not the first nor will I be the last cancer patient who has issues with the WBC. I will get to that finish line, it is just going to take longer than expected. I will be praying for patience and confidence in God's plan  

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Sprint for Life

We had a beautiful weekend, and I think it's safe to say that so much life can be found in community. Thank you- every one of you- who supported my crazy "let's run a race!" idea by joining the team, making a donation (that we didn't even ask for!), sending items for the cape, or just sending notes of support and good wishes. The day was a smashing success.

It was an early (and cold) morning, but we still had about 30 runners/walkers/support team join us in the medical center. We may not have been the largest team, or won the award for most spirit (next year: boas), but I am fairly confident we were the only group offering mimosas when you crossed the finish line!  We also had an amazing spread of muffins, sausage balls, scones, monkey bread and breakfast cookies. All significantly tastier than the banana the race was offering!

Mom walked about 2.5 miles of the race (yet again proving that she really is a wonder).  I started to get concerned that she hadn't gotten back to the party after an hour, but I was informed that she had perched herself on a corner near the finish line and was greeting all her friends and family as they walked by. Naturally.

What a (very early) morning!!  Thanks for being part of it!

Note- if anyone has any more pictures, please email them to me at czarlindsey at gmail dot com.

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A mini race report

The 5K Sprint for Life was a blast. We had a couple of serious runners, but for the most part it was all about walking and visiting and having a good time. A more detailed report will be posted later when the "czar" wakes up from her nap!

Just wanted y'all to know how awesome it is to have so much support during this time. A big hug and super thanks to all. More later.

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It's the little things...

I heard some great Easter music. Lyrics that spoke to my heart, but I realized I never speak the words to God. "Lord, I need You, oh I need You, every hour I need You."  Yep, I do need God, every moment of every day. I ask him to watch over me, to bless me...but I don't say I need Him. I need to tell Him every day and I will .

Then I read something that spoke to my heart..."May there be sufficient clouds in one's life to make a spectacular sunset." My cancer "cloud" has caused me to see the small things in life that I hold special and dear. This weekend it was having my son close; close enough to grab his face and to kiss him as much as I wanted and him letting me. It was having my son-in-law come put his arm around me and give me a kiss. It was my daughter hugging me as we both sang a song with tears in our eyes. It was my husband just reaching for my hand. The small things have become most important of all.

"What is your blessings come through rain drops, what if Your healing comes through tears, what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near. What if trails of this life are Your mercies in disguise." (Blessings by Laura Story). God has shown me in so many ways that He is near me. Good or bad, He is near me...giving me strength. I am so blessed!

Thank you God for your perfect plan. 

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My Fourth Post Chemo Report

Thank you God for your protective hand on this procedure this morning. All things went smoothly, and I thank You for that.

Yep, I got started around 8:45, I had a very efficient nurse (although she did not laugh at a single one of my jokes...very serious and very professional...which is a good thing). I did not "spring a leak" so no bio-hazard for me and I did not turn any shade of red!  I rested during the infusion and listened to good music. And I did send some "chemo text" making Lindsey very happy. I even got out of there at 2:30...earliest time ever!!!!and I got my Neulasta shot so I do not have to journey out west on Friday afternoon with all the rest of Houston leaving town for Easter.

Prayer warriors I ask that you pray for my white blood count specifically for the neutrophils. These are the "infection fighting" WBC and they are so very important because if the count drops low, I will be very susceptible to infections. If I were to run a fever, it is very hard to get a handle on the infection, usually resulting in a long hospital stay with IV antibiotics, trying to find one that the infection will respond to.  In addition, if I have another low WBC & neutrophil count, we will have to postpone chemo, and I want to do all I can to stay on schedule. So, I will be laying low, washing my hands a lot and trying to run any necessary errands in the early am when stores are less crowded. So, your prayers would be greatly appreciated.

Hope you all have a great Easter celebrating our risen Lord in a way that brings you closer to Him. And I hope you enjoy the gifts He gives all of us, whether it be family, friends or the site of a beautiful sunset and moon. He created all this because He loves us! Awesome!!!

You are awe some also. Love to each of you.

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Last Call!

Mom and I joke that I should start a blog called "texts from chemo" because chemo brain and chemo fingers seem to emerge while she's in the chemo room, and some of the best things come out.  Take today, for example:

(Ohh- bad daughter!  She's still hooked up to the drugs and can't even defend herself!  I just really liked how the "Last Call" blog title lined up so well with this "drunk" text message)

I promise this is my last post about the Sprint for Life until the event is actually over and we recap it here.  So if you can't run/walk and aren't planning on being at the event on May 3rd, feel free to click off this page and go do whatever else you need to do.

IF YOU ARE JOINING US MAY 3RD, STAY DOWN FOR AWHILE. :)

Here are the awesome people joining us on the 3rd who will be getting a tshirt and food from me:

Grace
Jody
Milton
Barbie
Sara
Lynne
Gary
Ena
Mark
Kathy
Debbie
Patty

If you haven't signed up yet, I'm ordering t-shirts Monday, so do it now (check you email, I will be gathering sizes soon)!  If you have signed up and aren't on this list, you aren't officially on our team, which isn't a problem, I just don't know about you, and thus you will have no tshirt and will have to sweet-talk someone into sharing their food.  So email me (czarlindsey at gmail dot com) and let me know and we can get you on the team.

If you aren't running/walking but are considering coming on race day, let me know.

If there is anything else I need to get you guys, I'll email you all.

Thanks!

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Happy Easter dear friends

Chemo #4 is happening Thursday
Yep, blood work was OK, not great but good enough that Dr. Bevers gave the OK, and then he went straight to his office to sign the orders!! I wonder what time I will actually get started on Thursday?Regardless, I will be praying for patience as I sit in the waiting room.
I am praying that nothing unexpected happens; no leaking tubing or allergic reactions.
I will be praying that the Nulasta shot (scheduled for Friday) will be super successful. In other words, that all the components of the white blood cells will multiply, especially the neutrophils.  From here on out, the neutrophil count will be VERY IMPORTANT.

I've been walking...
Not sprinting, but walking. I am not fast and I doubt that I will be by May 3rd, but it is guaranteed that we will be having fun at the "Sprint for Life" run (or in my case, walk).  Every time I see the video of Pharrell Williams song Happy it makes me so happy I think it should be our theme song for the walk. Be prepared for my awful singing. (You have been warned!)

A basket case...
The Morale Project basket has been a great source of comfort, support and laughter for me. Thanks for the continual reminder that I am not walking this road alone. I thank God for each of you.

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Updates and the Sprint for Life

Hi Friends,

I know many of you are too far away and haven't gotten to see mom in awhile, so here is a picture from this weekend-- doesn't she look great?  The only thing about this picture that is "staged" is that normally none of us would be dressed and out the door in matching clothes at 7:30 on a Saturday morning-- otherwise this is a completely truthful representation of mom.

While she was here, we discussed the Sprint for Life.  Mom -being mom and the lady who sent snacks while she had surgery- informed me that she didn't know how to host this event.  Hehe.  So, should you choose to join us, let me assure you that this run/walk is quickly skewing to "fun early morning party with breakfast and perhaps cocktails." Mom is signed up and planning to walk some portion of the event, so if you think 3.1 miles is too far for you to even walk, consider signing up and assigning yourself to "Dee Dee's support crew" and head back to the finish line early to drink mimosas and cheer on everyone else!

Three ways you can help:

• You've already registered- THANKS!! We are so looking forward to this event.  Make sure you are registered for our team.  So far, the non-family members of the group are Grace Judy, Milton, Sara and Lynne.  If you have registered and are not on that list, email me at CzarLindsey @ gmail . com and I can tell you how to put yourself on the team!  An event tshirt comes with the registration, but I am working on some tshirts to help identify our team, so I will be in touch about sizes.  
• Sign up to run/walk with our team!  You can register at www.sprintforlife.com.  The registration fee is $22 if you don't want to be timed. or $25 if you do.  It will go up (slightly) at the end of this week, so jump on it!
• Send Spirit!- If you are too far away or can't run/walk on May 3, but want to do a little something, let me know.  I have a surprise up my sleeve.  Email me at CzarLindsey at gmail dot com.

Five reasons you should do this:

• Free breakfast!
• "Exercise" checked off your Saturday to-do list before 9AM!
• Free event parking in the med center (and we all know the med center doesn't much away free!)
• Easiest walk ever- you register and join our team, I will pick up your packet with everyone else on the team.  All you have to do is show up on May 3.
• To be a part of a beautiful display of support, not only for mom, but for other women who are dealing with ovarian cancer.  We look forward to sharing our "support crew" with the other women, and seeing family and friends of other survivors and knowing that everyone is in it together.

Love you all dearly.  Thanks for supporting my crazy ideas and, therefore, supporting my mom.

Lindsey

PS- You've seen it a couple of times on here, but I've created a new email address- CzarLindsey @ Gmail . com (remove all spaces).  I've always been hesitant to put my email address on the blog, as that's how people get hacked and are suddenly hawking "cheap drug$ from canada" or other questionable services to their friends.  This is a dummy account that will get forwarded to my real email account and I will respond from there!

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Things to be thankful for...

Thank you God for a very good post-3rd chemotherapy treatment. No nausea, not even any of that "guaranteed" pain from the Neulasta shot....not yet anyway. A little tired, a little fuzzy thinking, but all in all, it has been good. Thank you God for your protective and loving hands over Bruce and I as we walk this walk with you. My faith and trust are in You.

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Running for Wonder Woman

The day mom was discharged from the hospital, I was in Austin running a half marathon.  The last little bit of my training and (certainly) race day was clouded by what was going on with her.  As I ran, I made a resolution to find a race that benefited ovarian cancer research.  Most runs have a charity or cause they benefit, but usually I choose a race based on date/location/distance.  But I was ready to run for a cause was close to my heart.

Some quick googling revealed the "Sprint for Life" that MD Anderson does in May benefiting the Blanton-Davis Ovarian Cancer Research Program.  With the fantastic care that mom gets from MD Anderson, this seemed like the perfect choice.  So Rob, Drew, Ellie and I are registered to run the 5K (or in the kids case- the 150 foot sprint) the morning of May 3, and Travis and Lyndsay (and dad!) will be joining us.

AND WE WOULD LOVE NOTHING MORE THAN FOR YOU TO JOIN US, TOO.  

Would you consider it?

It's a 5K run/walk held in the med center starting at 7:30AM on May 3rd.  Walking is perfectly appropriate and acceptable, so don't let the "run" part scare you.  

Our team name is "Dee Dee: Wonder Woman."  If you do register, you can join our team by finding the email they will send you titled "Support Us through your Webpage".  Click on the "Manage your page" link in that email, then go to the "teams" tab.  You will see the "Dee Dee: Wonder Woman" team and will have the option to join.

I have plans to make tshirts and maybe one other surprise up my sleeve. :) And it will be better if there are more of you with us.  And what a celebration it will be-- because May is the month that chemo should be over and mom will (God willing) be in remission!

You can register or get more information here- www.sprintforlife.com

Love to you all- 

Lindsey

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Chemotherapy half way point reached today!

Yep, we got it done, even though there were many obstacles today. And yep, I forgot to pray for patience this morning :(. Will I ever learn?
I arrived at my appointed time of 8 am, and was told at that time the orders needed to be signed before they could begin. At 9 am, we were still waiting for the signature, although I did see the doctor arrive at that time. Ok, I am imaging just a few more minutes. But no, it took 45 minutes before I made it back to the infusion room and another 15-30 minutes before they actually started the infusions.
Oh, did I mention that the lights kept going off? Lucky for me, the computers were still up and running and the port is a big "button" that is easy to see, so we were able to get it running without the benefit of overhead lights.
I was able to talk with one of the people in charge and I have a better plan now to try and insure that the next time all is signed off ahead of time. You know I love a plan. Plus I got to nicely? vent my frusrations and so I felt better.
After an hour, the chemo drug got started. That is the Taxol that I had problems with the first time so it always makes me anxious, but all that went very smoothly. Thanks God.
I napped. I woke up with a slightly wet shirt and a wet blanket. My tubing was leaking! (Bio-hazard!) Tubing changed and we continued with the infusion.
After that, all was good..

I will return tomorrow for the Neulasta injection. Please pray that God would minimize the side effects of this necessary medication.

It is a drizzly day, 100% humidity. Ladies, is your hair frizzy? Mine is not!!!!! Just had to say that! There are some advantages to wigs.

Thanks again friends for all your love and support. You are the best...the very best!
Dee Dee

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Things to be thankful for...

NEUPOGEN...the white blood cell booster that got my WBC count where it needed to be. Thank you God for the scientist who figured which molecule needed to be where to create this synthetic miracle. From here on out, I will be taking an injection of Neulasta...Neupogen's longer acting big brother following each chemotherapy treatment. Apparently Neulasta  has "guaranteed" side effects :(, but the good news is that it should always stimulate what needs to be stimulated and therefore I should be able to stay on the revised-revised chemo schedule. So, chemo #3 is on schedule for this Thursday!!

MY MOM...who would be 91 today. I am thankful for both of my parents, but it was my mom who made sure we were in church and made sure I grew up in an environment where I knew God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. I never doubted there was a God and that He loved me. God was always known to me and I know not everyone can say that. I had it easy. Thank you God for revealing to me what I needed at a very early age.

BLESSING SEEN ON THIS JOURNEY...
     Renewed friendships
     The growing community of friends
      How God cleaned up loose ends for me before I knew where I was going
      Insurance

I AM NOT WONDER WOMAN...I apparently made a reference earlier about not being Wonder Woman and then the communication czar responded with evidence disputing that fact ( pretty flimsy evidence at that).  I have come around to the fact that I am indeed wonder woman - but not the one with superhuman powers.
      I just wonder how I got to be so lucky to be a child of God.
      I do wonder how all this will turn out, but I am confident God knows and I look forward to His plan.
     
Through this experience, I am cultivating a thankful heart. This gratitude enables me to see God's hand in all my circumstances. He is sovereign.

MORALE PROJECT UPDATE...Thank you all. I have enjoyed the cards, pictures of loved ones, pictures of me and friends 56 and 44 years ago, hugs (yes, I did get a hug through the mail), bookmarks, drawings by budding artists, encouraging notes from friends here in Houston, in Austin and in Mission. What a wonderful circle of love and support. Thank you.

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Bring on the white chocolate truffles...AGAIN!

Yep, that title could only mean that my 3rd chemotherapy treatment has been cancelled for this week due to my white blood cell count (WBC) not corporating. Bummer! I knew this was a possibility, but I decided weeks ago to not get the "shot" that would stimulate the growth of the WBC and see if my body would do it on it's own. But no, not to be. So now I am taking a series of three shots that should insure the WBC will be where they need to be by next week.

Things I have been reminded of these last several days...

Since I started on this cancer journey, I knew that God wanted this for me. And I know that He is in control.

I have been reminded that God CAN do anything, and I have presented my request for complete healing from any and all cancer to Him, knowing that He can do it and asking that He would do it.

I know God wants to take my misery (the cancer) and make it my ministry. I am reminded that I should be courageous in God alone and by surrendering to Him it allows the Lord to do His work in and through me.

It is more blessed to give that to recieve. I have been blessed by all of you as I have received your kind actions and your prayers. It is very humbling to accept help and I look forward to the future when I can give back some of the goodness I have received.

A silly observation...

It involves "the wig". Have to say, I like it. It is pretty cool to just put your hair on and go. However, I have found I have to be carefull about opening a hot oven door. Oh, the steam! Not good on synthetic hair. So far I have not singed my locks, but it has been close! 

Prayer request

That God would increase my WBC so that chemotherapy can stay on the new schedule. Next week and the following three treatments. 

That I would not have any issues with the veins that deliver the chemo to my body. 

That the chemo would attack only the bad cells and leave the good cells and organs alone. 

Thanks dear friends for all your prayers and support. You keep this journey happy. 

Dee Dee

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Confession from "Wonder Woman"

All that Lindsey said was true, but in the interest of full disclosure, I must admit that today has not been a 99% day! more like 80-85%. (My daddy always measured how good he was feeling in percentages -so I do the same :)   Everyday is a new day in Chemoland, so I will take today as either a sample of the chemo effects or the effects of an icy, cold March day! Either way, I am thankful for the friends and family to continue to stand beside Bruce and I with love and prayers. Y'all are the best!
Dee Dee

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Wonder Woman?

At one point during The Week of Sad News (hair shaving and white blood cells too low), mom told me that she was disappointed because all of this was just proving that she wasn't Wonder Woman like she had hoped.

Allow me to tell you about Wonder Woman.

She already mentioned that the CA-125 chemo marker had come down into the "normal" range, indicating that there is no active cancer in her body right now. This is exactly the result the doctors hope for, but after 3+ rounds of chemo.  Wonder Woman's number came down after 1.  Then….

After a delayed but good chemo on Thursday Wonder Woman came home, ate a good dinner, and proceeded to text me various things until 10:30PM.

Friday morning Wonder Woman woke up, ate breakfast, and realized she felt pretty good.  So she drove herself to pick up a pair of pants she saw that were on sale earlier in the week (Very few things she has fit her after Extreme Weight Loss: Surgery Edition).  And since she still felt fine, she went on to Dillards to find some tops.  She came home, ate a few more meals, didn't nap, and then proceeded with her typical Friday night Cazadores Mexican food date.

What in the world??

Mom was quite prepared for Friday-Sundays to be tough days for her.  And every time I called I wondered if the "tough day" was happening yet.  It never happened.  In fact, this round of chemo was easier on her than the last one, though that is likely because she wasn't a few weeks out of major surgery.

I realize it may not stay this easy, but I am thankful that we are through 1/3 of her chemo treatments and they have been easy.  Thank you for the hedge of protection, friends.

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It's Thursday...another good day in Chemoland!!

It all went very well. Praise The Lord.
I got started late, over one hour waiting in the waiting room.  As you can imagine I was just about to go ballistic!  It was pointed out to me that perhaps I should include a prayer for patience when I pray to God before chemo. Not a bad idea.
I also had a new nurse, but that too I had prayed about, and I knew this was the one He chose for me today. So although I had reservations, I knew that He did not, so I adjusted my thinking. She did a great job running all the medications and especially the Taxol...I had no effects what so ever!! Win!!
I spent all day there, but it was a good experience.

I provided Lindsey with more "crazy texts from Chemoland" somehow my fingers and brain don't work together very well after the drugs when I am loopy. And I was not as loopy as last time, just a bit more spaced out and much more restful...I might even have slept a little.

So, the second chemotherapy treatment is now under my belt and I only have 4 more to go.
Thank you again for all your prayers and support. I could not do this without each of you.

I will be taking anti-nausea and steroids to ward off any nausea for the next three days. So I expect to keep my head down and not do much for the next three days. We will see how it goes. You might have realized I like having a plan and knowing what to expect. However I have learned that with cancer and it's treatment, no two cases/patients are alike. So we will see how it goes.

That is today's report.
God bless each and everyone of you!
Love, Dee Dee

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I get to have chemo on Thursday!

God said "yes" to chemo on Thursday and Dr. Bevers agreed. So, at 9 am I will be getting started on my 2nd treatment...this time with a little stronger drugs than in the past. I ask again for your prayers that God would protect me from any adverse effects from the drugs and that the drugs attack the bad cells and leave the good cells/organs alone. If anyone can do it, He can.

The other good news today was another blood test result. This was the CA125, which is a "marker" for ovarian cancer. Prior to my surgery, my number was 286. Today it was 13...the normal is 0-35.. I am normal (OK, no wise cracks on that statement please).  That means there is no active cancer. Yea!!
It has been a good day.

And another report on the cancer journey...I spent a bonding time with some of the most important men in my life on Sunday. Travis came over and "buzzed" my head while Bruce kept me laughing. So now I am sporting a new look, a wig -although no one has had trouble recognizing me so it must not be that much of a new look.

I cannot thank all of you enough for all your prayers and support. I know that there is a very real chance that the effects of the chemo will start to become more obvious as I get further into treatment. But I am so thankful that I have had such a good beginning. And I truly believe that my good beginning is directly related to the prayers offered to the Great Healer on my behalf. Thank you dear friends.
Dee Dee

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I get to go to see the doctor today!!

This afternoon I return to the doctor to hopefully get clearance for my next chemo treatment. It all depends on the white blood count, which I (and a lot of you) have been praying for all week. This morning I read this..."Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18.  I will let you know what He decides for me. Stayed tuned!
Dee Dee

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Housekeeping

Hi Friends!

Two quick things:

1. Morale Project- You guys have been so sweet to send cards and letters her way, and she mentioned the other day that she is opening only one a day so that they will last.  However, I would LOVE for her to be able to open two or three if a day is particularly hard (Oh, I don't know, maybe on a week where her hair starts falling out and they can't do chemo because her white blood cell count is too low…. hypothetically……)  So if you have another card/letter/picture/whatever that you are waiting to send, now would be a great time!  Let's get her stocked up through the end of May. :)  Thanks for helping me with this!

2. Care Calendar- Since chemo is moving to every 3 weeks, the schedule should be a lot more predictable.  Her next round is Feb 26th, so I added a "driving to" and a "picking up from" chemo spot on her care calendar that day.  She has learned that the amount of benadryl that she has to have to stop a reaction from the drugs puts her right to sleep, so her reading/crafting/visiting days are over.  :(  She really just needs to be dropped off and picked up.  I hope to have a master schedule planned out for the rest of the sessions soon, but the most likely dates look to be March 19, April 9, April 30, and May 24.  If you are interested in driving her, please check the care calendar periodically.  As soon as we have a set schedule I'll put everything up.

www.carecalendar.org
 CALENDAR ID   :   172755
 SECURITY CODE :   2241

Thanks for your love, everyone!

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Silly Things

1.  My sweet neighbor brought over a bag of Lindor White Chocolate Truffles and suggested that I eat the entire bag. Her theory is that white chocolate should raise my white blood cell count. Interesting theory...and one I am willing to be a guinea pig to prove (or disprove). And Bruce being the good support active husband that he is, is also participating in the experiment.

2.  Well, I knew it was going to happen...the hair is falling out. This morning I decided to brush my hair outside and I am hoping any the little bird building a new nest will incorporate some of my hair which is blowing around the backyard in their nest. How is that for recycling?

3.  And finally...I found an e-mail in my inbox this morning that gave me a bit of a scare. This was my reply to the Houston Hospice Capital Campaign
"Dear Houston Hospice, you do great, fantastic, and necessary work. However, opening my computer to find emails from you makes me a little anxious on top of an already stressful week. Please contact me after May 2014?"

I have lots to pray about and I am trying to find things to laugh about. I am doing good thanks to all of you. Take care dear friends.

Dee Dee

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Bummer"

My doctor visit this morning was going great till he got my blood work results. My white blood cell count is low - low enough that chemotherapy is cancelled for tomorrow. :( These results have caused Dr. Bevers to rethink the dose dense ( weekly) chemo for me and now we are changing the chemo schedule to be once every three weeks. The important thing is to have the chemo on schedule and not to have delays and since I am having to delay so early in the treatment plan, it is very likely it would continue to happen if we tried to proceed with the weekly schedule. So, every three weeks it is! That means I only have 5 more treatments instead of 14! I am disappointed because the theory behind dose dense is that it would give me an advantage, and I definitely wanted every advantage, but it is not to be.

So prayer warriors I have a prayer request. Once every three weeks means I will be getting a stronger dose of the Taxol...the drug that I reacted to during my first chemo. Please pray that God would protect me from any adverse reaction to the Taxol for the remainder of my chemotherapy and that my white counts will increase enough next week so that I can stay on schedule. And that He will keep me healthy during these upcoming weeks.

Thanks for your prayers and support.  Dee Dee

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Four Important Things

Happy Valentine’s Day dear friends

In honor of you, I dedicate to you the first verse from Sara Groves’ song “Twice as Good”.

When I am down and need to cry till morning

I know just where I am going

When I’m in need of sweet commiseration

To speak out loud

Raise a glass to friendship and to knowing

You (I) don’t have to go alone

We’ll raise our hearts to share each other’s burdens

On this road

With every burden I have carried

With every joy it’s understood

Life with you is half as hard

And twice as good.

Although I haven’t cried or had a “pity party” yet, I know I am safe to commiserate with or say what I need or want to say with any one of you when the time comes. Your outpouring of love and support lets me (and Bruce) know that we are not alone on this road and that each of you is willing to help share our burden in any way you can.  What a gift! So, we raise a glass (of something) to these wonderful friendships and we know that because of each of you our life is half as hard and definitely twice as good!

Morale Project Update: WOW! There is a lot of positive energy coming from that box!!! I have been very hesitant about pulling cards from that box.  Honestly, right now my morale has been pretty good – but soon I will be pulling my hair out (oh, is that humor?) and then I will be turning to the Morale Project box.  Chemotherapy is scheduled to go till the end of May (and that is only is I never miss a week – unlikely), so I am determined to make the box last that long. I literally close my eyes, reach in and pull out a “something” – but I know it will either make me laugh, encourage me, challenge me or make me feel like I am in the middle of the best HUG ever!! So, let me say in advance, I appreciate every card and letter and yours will be read when I need it most!

The Amazing NUCE! Nuce is Bruce’s grandparent name.  Drew was trying to say “Bruce” but it came out Nuce. I instantly loved it, but for Bruce, he had to think about it, ponder it and finally he reached the same conclusion as the rest of us…it was the cutest name ever!! I think he followed a similar path in his care taking role.  At first he was a little hurt when I said I thought it was a good idea to have the Phoenix Visiting Nurses (AKA my wonderful sisters) here when I returned from my  hospital stay.  He was a trooper and let them baby me (after all I am the baby sister) and take care of me, and all the while he was watching.  Once we were alone in the house, he became the “chief cook” and clean up person.  He makes sure I eat – every two hours- and even has breakfast ready to cook when I wake up – because I am starving when I wake up! And not cold cereal-eggs, bacon, toast, fruit- a breakfast fit for a healing “princess” who needs her protein.  And then he does all the dishes!!! He just keeps getting better and better!   Did y’all have something to do with this transformation? I know you did.  I know you prayed for Bruce in these last five weeks. He was more shocked than I was by these turn of events – he had/has a lot to process.  By God’s grace, he did not get mad or angry but has strapped on the kitchen apron to do all he can to make this journey easier for me. “…in sickness and in health…” I love you Bruce!

Chemo 3 Report (15 to go!) Chemo 3 was moved from Wednesday to Thursday this week so I that I could have a ‘port’ inserted on Wednesday. On Thursday, my Chemo infusion nurse was new to me (after all, they have 8 nurses and 18 infusion rooms) but she was very professional and appeared very capable, but was also busy and not super friendly and her name was Minnie (like the mouse!) Not what I needed or wanted as I am anxious in the beginning. (I have turned into such a pansy!) She got me started, then left the room.  In 5 minutes, in walks Nurse Laura – my nurse from last week – who I had asked God to give me this week – and she was coming in to take over for Minnie! Thank you God!! It was a good day.

Chemo 4 starts next week with a doctor visit on Tuesday, Feb. 18 and chemo on to follow on Wednesday.  This 4^th is actually Treatment 2, Week 1.  Three weeks of chemo equals one treatment.  Week one is both chemotherapy drugs, with weeks two and three being just one chemo drug.  So the potential for side effects are greater with week one especially because the drug that causes nausea is given only on week one.  I pray that God will direct the drugs to the BAD cells and protect the good cells and organs from the harmful effects of the chemo.  If anyone can do that, God can. 

Thanks again dear friends for caring and carrying me through this journey.  I could not do it without each of you.

Love, Dee Dee

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of minor imPORTance

A few things to note-

1. I had a great weekend with the patient and her husband (AKA- mom and dad). She is doing very well and eating much more. Travis came to visit and left with a dessert sampler platter thanks to all of you. Mom is down a few pounds so far, (mostly from 2 weeks of not eating after surgery) so we like to encourage dessert. ;)

2. Chemo is happening on Thursday this week because mom is having (minor-compared to the last time!) surgery to have a port put in. 

From Wikipedia: In medicine, a port (or portacath) is a small medical appliance that is installed beneath the skin. A catheter connects the port to a vein. Under the skin, the port has a septum through which drugs can be injected and blood samples can be drawn many times, usually with less discomfort for the patient than a more typical "needle stick".

So that should make chemo more comfortable for her going forward, but you wouldn't waste a prayer for an easy procedure on Wednesday!!

So far it looks like a little lethargy is the worst side effect of the chemo, but with the fantastic cold and grey weather we have been having, we are all a little lethargic, so who knows what is actually chemo related!

3. Mom is opening a card a day from the Morale Project box. The cards are beautiful and it's working- keep them coming!!

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Another good day in Chemoland

Week 2 of my chemo life is now a thing of the past and I am happy to report that all went well.
Thanks to great medical care, preventative planning and a great "sitter", all went well. In order to achieve these great results, they gave me an extra dose of IV Benadryl....and within 5 minutes I felt like I had just rapidly consumed 3 glasses of champagne!! So I tolerated the one chemo drug well and had no more problems with turning a lovely shade of red! Win!!! And thankfully I had a friend with me who very patiently listened to me and tried to keep me on track of my wandering conversation that I am sure made no sense at all.  And then she drove me home....because I was LOOPY!!!
The good news in all of this is that now I know something "for sure". On the days I have chemo, I will be sleeping the rest of the day. That means a lot to me because I wake up everyday wondering how I am going to feel - and now I know Wednesday afternoons will be spent in la-la land. A plan is forming!!

And I also know something else. I am a fortunate girl. And I live in a wonderful neighborhood, city, state and country. We all do.. We live in the middle of a nurturing, heart-felt, compassionate, Christian, God loving, encouraging, loving community. The world is and will continue to be a wonderful place because of people like each of you who reach out in a person's time of need. All the "care" has been wonderful for me and all my family, but the knowledge that we are lifted up daily in prayer has done more for me in this walk that I am adequately express. How do people handle any difficult situation without God?  That where all of us come in, to share His love to those He loves. He is counting on us.  And let me say I imagine God is well pleased with His children. I continue to ask Him how He wants to use me through this. I know He will let me know where and when. I the meantime, I continue to be awed by His perfect plan!!

Thanks friends.
I am trying to get my sense of humor back so I can write a funny post. If I don't find it soon, I will solicit the Communication Czar or the whitty Phoenix visiting nurses (although officially off-duty).

Love to each of you
Dee Dee

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No news is good news

Well, I think we have hit the point where (hopefully) not much is going on between chemo sessions and there won't be much to report.  Mom will go in for session #2 tomorrow, which will be only one of the two drugs that she got last week.  It will be a shorter session, and hopefully she will continue to have almost no side effects.

Mom and Dad are managing well now that their team of nurses (Anne and Ellen) have returned home. Mom is still unable to drive and lift anything heavy after her surgery, so the days can be long, but I think she is finding some good netflix to fill her time.  (Now that I think about it, if you know of any great movies or shows she needs to see, comment below or text/email her!)

I have set up a care calendar for meals (and driving to chemo- although those are not on there currently because we aren't sure of schedule in March).  Please don't feel obligated to do anything-- this is simply a way to help mom coordinate all the precious offers for help.  If you are interested, go to :

www.carecalendar.org
Calendar ID- 172755
Security Code- 2241

Thank you, friends, for all the love and support!

The Czar

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Nurse 2 signing off

Well, my electric toothbrush has lost its charge so I guess it is time for me to return to Phoenix and I also thought it would be a nice birthday gift to Bruce-to no longer have to share his wife 24/7 and to have his home back with just the two of them.  Seriously he has been great and just let Anne and I do whatever and whenever we needed to help with DeeDee's recovery.  Meeting so many of DeeDee's  wonderful friends gives Anne and I so much peace in knowing that she is surrounded by so much love and support and we know with her very loving family she will continue to be so well taken care of as she continues with this chapter of her  life.  Anne and I have left our scrubs here so we will be back on duty in the future. From the bottom of our hearts Anne and I want to thank everyone for all their prayers for our precious baby sister.
Love
Ellen

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Let me tell you a secret

You know when you look at me with concern in your eyes and nicely ask how my mother is doing? And you know how I respond with a huge smile and say "fantastic!"?

I know you think I've momentarily forgotten what is going on. Or you think that I am sugarcoating the truth.

Well, here's the thing.

She's fantastic. We all are.

The day this all started (for me- the day I got the news- a post about that to come later) our sermon at church was about a "peace that transcends all understanding." I now totally understand that phrase.

We are peaceful. We are happy. Our priorities have been shifted, and the things that once would wreck a day (like last week when mom washed her cell phone) have now been reduced to what they actually are-- so unimportant in the grand scheme of things. We value our time together more than we ever did. Our priorities have shifted away from the mundane to the important, and when you live that way, happiness can be found in the strangest of places, including in the middle of a cancer diagnosis and chemotherapy.

She really is fantastic. This round of chemo didn't phase her in the least. The effects of chemo are cumulative, so I suspect this won't be the case each time going forward, but I think she is pleased that she went back to 100% after the first round. Yesterday she picked out a wig, shopped for some comfy clothes, and are lunch out. Not bad for 24 hours after chemo!

Thank you, God, for good news and happy days. Thank you for joy that fills the soul when you least expect it. And thank you for the reminder that focusing on eternal things will completely change the outlook of a situation.

And thank you, friends, for being with all of us each step of the way.

Lindsey

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It's a wrap

I was wrapped in Gods love
I was wrapped in the love of family and friends
I was wrapped in many warm, cozy and beautiful blankets
And the "day of beginning chemo" is over. It all went well -except for the time when my chest and face turned as red as a tomato and I experienced the most major hot flash ever! I am feeling good and home where my precious sister is again waiting on me hand and foot. I think I am going to have withdrawal when she leaves.
Thank you dear friends for getting me through the day! Love to each of you.

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