I read many devotionals. Some days I do not feel they speaking to me. Some days I get a small, precious word, thought and/or encouragement. And SOME DAYS the entire entry speaks to me - exactly what I need to hear, the encouragement I need.
A little background info.
Last month (in May) when I saw Dr. Bevers, he told me the CA 125 (the blood test - tumor marker for ovarian cancer) had "inched" up from the previous month. Now we women do not like inching up of any kind!...not on our waist lines, not on our hips and not in our ovarian cancer markers! The inching was after the second chemo treatment of this latest round. So, as you imagine, the "what ifs" started. And then encouragement. Jesus Calling reminded me not to resist or run from the difficulties in my life - but to remember that this (cancer) was NOT a random mistake but a hand made blessing designed for my benefit and growth. I am to embrace all the circumstance that He allows in my life, trusting that He will bring good out of it. I am to view this cancer as an opportunity to rely more fully on Him. So, I tried to imagine this "inching" as God's blessing and I am to embrace it and trust God to bring good from it. I can do that...but will I do that? Will I choose to do that? Then the following day, May 11, my day at the "spa" I was reminded again to thank God for my problems and to bring them to Him with thanksgiving. Asking Him to show me how to handle the situation.
And all that encouragement helped. I just...let God.
I was struggling with the knowledge that the time was coming when I might have to consider going to a Phase 1 clinical trial as a treatment option. Those four words are scary to any cancer patient, and I just did not want to think I was at that point. But over these last four weeks, I was able to grab hold of God's hand and just follow. I was able to trust and follow my God who continues to show me the way.
The next big hurdle in this month long "what if" was a PET scan, which was last week. This along with another CA125 blood test would give us the most up to date informon this cancer. Bruce and I met with Dr. Bevers last week, expecting bad news. But that was not to be! The PET report was a good one! And unbelievable good one! A miracle one! One spot had disappeared and the second was smaller. Let God... Now the CA125 was not as cooperative...no longer inching up but jumping up this month. This "mixed reaction" is a conflict that leaves us to wonder exactly what is doing on, but we are going to take this "win" from the Great Healer and run with it, and be joyful and be glad in it!!!! So the discussion about clinical trials was put off for another day and the orders were signed for my spa day which was last Friday, June 8th. Four treatments down, fifth one scheduled for July 6th.
The encouragement of devotionals spoke again to me with Streams in the Dessert. It may seem paradoxical, but the only person who is at rest has achieved it through conflict. Everything gives way when affliction first comes upon us! The clinging stems of our hopes are quickly snapped, and our hearts lie overwhelmed and prostrate, like a vine the windstorm has torn from its trellis. But once the initial shock is over and we are able to look up and say, "it is the Lord", faith begins to lift our shattered hopes once more and securely binds them to the feet of God. And the final result is confidence, safety and peace. I am securely binding this conflict....this great PET scan report and the rising CA125...to the feet of God. I know He is on this journey with me and He has never led me astray.
So many of us have been praying for these results. I was reminded about answered prayer in 1John 5:14 This is the confidence we have in approaching God; that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us-whatever we ask-we know that we have what we asked of him.
Love you all,
Dee Dee
A little background info.
Last month (in May) when I saw Dr. Bevers, he told me the CA 125 (the blood test - tumor marker for ovarian cancer) had "inched" up from the previous month. Now we women do not like inching up of any kind!...not on our waist lines, not on our hips and not in our ovarian cancer markers! The inching was after the second chemo treatment of this latest round. So, as you imagine, the "what ifs" started. And then encouragement. Jesus Calling reminded me not to resist or run from the difficulties in my life - but to remember that this (cancer) was NOT a random mistake but a hand made blessing designed for my benefit and growth. I am to embrace all the circumstance that He allows in my life, trusting that He will bring good out of it. I am to view this cancer as an opportunity to rely more fully on Him. So, I tried to imagine this "inching" as God's blessing and I am to embrace it and trust God to bring good from it. I can do that...but will I do that? Will I choose to do that? Then the following day, May 11, my day at the "spa" I was reminded again to thank God for my problems and to bring them to Him with thanksgiving. Asking Him to show me how to handle the situation.
And all that encouragement helped. I just...let God.
I was struggling with the knowledge that the time was coming when I might have to consider going to a Phase 1 clinical trial as a treatment option. Those four words are scary to any cancer patient, and I just did not want to think I was at that point. But over these last four weeks, I was able to grab hold of God's hand and just follow. I was able to trust and follow my God who continues to show me the way.
The next big hurdle in this month long "what if" was a PET scan, which was last week. This along with another CA125 blood test would give us the most up to date informon this cancer. Bruce and I met with Dr. Bevers last week, expecting bad news. But that was not to be! The PET report was a good one! And unbelievable good one! A miracle one! One spot had disappeared and the second was smaller. Let God... Now the CA125 was not as cooperative...no longer inching up but jumping up this month. This "mixed reaction" is a conflict that leaves us to wonder exactly what is doing on, but we are going to take this "win" from the Great Healer and run with it, and be joyful and be glad in it!!!! So the discussion about clinical trials was put off for another day and the orders were signed for my spa day which was last Friday, June 8th. Four treatments down, fifth one scheduled for July 6th.
The encouragement of devotionals spoke again to me with Streams in the Dessert. It may seem paradoxical, but the only person who is at rest has achieved it through conflict. Everything gives way when affliction first comes upon us! The clinging stems of our hopes are quickly snapped, and our hearts lie overwhelmed and prostrate, like a vine the windstorm has torn from its trellis. But once the initial shock is over and we are able to look up and say, "it is the Lord", faith begins to lift our shattered hopes once more and securely binds them to the feet of God. And the final result is confidence, safety and peace. I am securely binding this conflict....this great PET scan report and the rising CA125...to the feet of God. I know He is on this journey with me and He has never led me astray.
So many of us have been praying for these results. I was reminded about answered prayer in 1John 5:14 This is the confidence we have in approaching God; that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us-whatever we ask-we know that we have what we asked of him.
Love you all,
Dee Dee
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