I never kept a journal. This blog acted as one for me during my cancer surgery and treatment. So it seems only fitting that I should use this venue to record my feelings as I celebrate the one year anniversary of my diagnosis.
What an amazing year!
Christmas 2013 Bruce and I knew something was "up". But no one else knew. Looking back, people have commented that I was a bit more subdued than usual, but no one really noticed anything in my behavior that caused them to wonder if something was going on. But I knew. I enjoyed the holiday but I was aware that it could have been the last "normal" Christmas I would experience. But God had other plans. Thank you God!
I have told many people that if God had asked for volunteers to be diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 2014, I would NOT have raised my hand! But He knew that, so He did not ask, He just told me that He had chosen me, and all He asked of me was to trust HIM. And the trust was not about my living or dying, it was about my knowing that He had it all worked out... living or dying, He had already put things into place a long time ago "...in your perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planed long ago." Isaiah 25:1. I was not afraid of dying...(well, I don't think I was, but I really did not give it much thought.) I just did not know how everyone I loved would be able manage without me! But He showed me if I wasn't around everyone would be OK because He had already put the right people in place to care, love and support all those I would leave behind. Life would go on, with or without me because those I loved had HIM and they were HIS. Could I ask for anything more? Nope!
So today has been about reflecting on just how far all of us have come. We are all remembering what we were doing one year ago. And in that reflection, we all are much more appreciative of the small things, the people, the love, God's power and His plan and His love, and just how darn happy we are to have one another. All of us have been forever changed and that change has been for good. It is hard to imagine this, but I for one would not take back this year for anything. Waking up these last 365 days and knowing WITHOUT A DOUBT THAT GOD WAS RIGHT BESIDE ME and right beside Bruce, and Lindsey & Rob and Travis & Lyndsay...oh what a marvelous feeling. Even though I can't see the future for any of us, I know that we are in God's hands and He is molding and shaping us for good. That does not mean bad things won't happen, it just means that if and when they do, we just have to call on God. And that still does not mean He will fix everything because we ask. It does mean that we can feel His peace.And that peace allows me to continue to move forward.
Thank you God for your carefully laid out plan. Thank you for the people you put in my life (and in the lives of Bruce, Lindsey and Travis) who showered us with prayers, support and love. Thank you for my sisters, brother-in-law, nieces and nephews who walked this walk with me and who were a witness to Your healing power and to the peace found only in You. I pray that their faith in You will continue to grow. Thank you for giving me Rob...the most wonderful son-in-law and Lyndsay... the most wonderful daughter-in-law. I know that they too were a part of Your plan. Thank you for Drew and Ellie and for my future grandchildren (no this is not an announcement!). I know that you hold them in Your hands. And thank you for Bruce. I sometimes wonder where I would be without him and his spiritual leadership of our household. You are an awesome God.
We all look forward to 2015!
What an amazing year!
Christmas 2013 Bruce and I knew something was "up". But no one else knew. Looking back, people have commented that I was a bit more subdued than usual, but no one really noticed anything in my behavior that caused them to wonder if something was going on. But I knew. I enjoyed the holiday but I was aware that it could have been the last "normal" Christmas I would experience. But God had other plans. Thank you God!
I have told many people that if God had asked for volunteers to be diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 2014, I would NOT have raised my hand! But He knew that, so He did not ask, He just told me that He had chosen me, and all He asked of me was to trust HIM. And the trust was not about my living or dying, it was about my knowing that He had it all worked out... living or dying, He had already put things into place a long time ago "...in your perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planed long ago." Isaiah 25:1. I was not afraid of dying...(well, I don't think I was, but I really did not give it much thought.) I just did not know how everyone I loved would be able manage without me! But He showed me if I wasn't around everyone would be OK because He had already put the right people in place to care, love and support all those I would leave behind. Life would go on, with or without me because those I loved had HIM and they were HIS. Could I ask for anything more? Nope!
So today has been about reflecting on just how far all of us have come. We are all remembering what we were doing one year ago. And in that reflection, we all are much more appreciative of the small things, the people, the love, God's power and His plan and His love, and just how darn happy we are to have one another. All of us have been forever changed and that change has been for good. It is hard to imagine this, but I for one would not take back this year for anything. Waking up these last 365 days and knowing WITHOUT A DOUBT THAT GOD WAS RIGHT BESIDE ME and right beside Bruce, and Lindsey & Rob and Travis & Lyndsay...oh what a marvelous feeling. Even though I can't see the future for any of us, I know that we are in God's hands and He is molding and shaping us for good. That does not mean bad things won't happen, it just means that if and when they do, we just have to call on God. And that still does not mean He will fix everything because we ask. It does mean that we can feel His peace.And that peace allows me to continue to move forward.
Thank you God for your carefully laid out plan. Thank you for the people you put in my life (and in the lives of Bruce, Lindsey and Travis) who showered us with prayers, support and love. Thank you for my sisters, brother-in-law, nieces and nephews who walked this walk with me and who were a witness to Your healing power and to the peace found only in You. I pray that their faith in You will continue to grow. Thank you for giving me Rob...the most wonderful son-in-law and Lyndsay... the most wonderful daughter-in-law. I know that they too were a part of Your plan. Thank you for Drew and Ellie and for my future grandchildren (no this is not an announcement!). I know that you hold them in Your hands. And thank you for Bruce. I sometimes wonder where I would be without him and his spiritual leadership of our household. You are an awesome God.
We all look forward to 2015!
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